So here we are, first day over, and they told us they had taken it easy with us. Easy? So is this E for Easy or still E for Eskdale. Ten thirty in the evening, after we had finished the washing up, drying, putting away, cleaning the floor, the cookers, and finally lifting all the chairs on the tables, reminiscent of school days I think, then of to our dormitory. Thankfully our bags were still there, and I had grabbed bed number four, ground floor accommodation with one tenant above. Remember the old saying, I think it was Paul Simon who said it, “ one mans floor is another mans ceiling”. I was happy that night to get a ground floor berth, but………….


After throwing all our smelly PE clothes in a plastic bag, we found ours selves roused at 6 am the next morning and told to put them back on. Wet and. smelly!!!!. Well old Nick Nack, a bit old cockney slang here, and I’m proud to say it was me that called him that, had forgotten or wasn’t told, remember we were his first team, that all PE kits were to be washed out before bed, put in the drying room for use next day. Well before you raise your hands in horror, we did have to take five or six PE kits with us, but these they told us would be thrown away at the end.
The end? I had been there 15 hours and it was only 6am on the second morning. 6am. six bloody am in the bloody morning, roused from our sleep with a crash of the door and huge great bell ringing. I was knackered, smelly and to be perfectly honest pissed off at the bloke at work, who had decided I need to spend 26 days here, from mid July to mid August, having the kind of experiences which turned a boy into a man.
Yeah right, as if I needed that. I had out grown the Dehydrated Doughnuts, had fought the Emperor of India and won, well lessals mum did, and he thought i needed more??????
So anyway Nick Nack ( you know, Nick Nack Paddy Wack, well he was Irish remember ) smiled that endearing smile of his, and took us for another run down the tarn, twice around and then, yes you have guessed it, we all had to jump in.
Well to say it was cold yesterday afternoon, was probably true, to say it was cold at 6.10 am is an understatement. The bits that shrink in the cold shrunk so much I almost spat them out. Then it was a run, always a run, back to the showers, and a long hot soak under the refreshing warm water. Yeah i am sure you believed that. Well it was what we had hoped for as we ran back to the showers, what we found was slightly more realistic. If you did not jump in the tarn, then you stood under the freezing cold water of the shower for 30 seconds, and they timed it. If you got out early then you started again. we were beginning to think we had been sent to some kind of prison camp. talag Eskdale. But if you did jump in then if you did then u stood under the cold, but not freezing water, for as long as it takes to wash , which was not very long, even slightly cold was still cold
So then back to the dorm, dressed and then lets see what we had planned for today. How about a stroll around town, a nice visit to Keswick, a bit of relaxation in the pub over looking Wastwater, the list was endless. But old Nick Nack sat us down and went through a few of the rules and regulations of the place. They were very simple really, the big three as they were called.
1. If you arrived clean shaven, you left clean shaven.
2. No drinking alcohol at anytime.
3. No fraternising with the female staff, so I guess if you were gay and we all thought one of the cooks was, not just that he wore yellow Marigolds, because the water was so hot you had to wear them or burn your hands, but the fact he had an earring in both ears, unusual even 1972, he also wore yellow poka dot trousers, and a very colourful bandana on his head. Added to that was his name badge which said he was called Geraldine, maybe a give away that. So its Ok for gays, and finally number four,
4. No magazines of a nature to embarrass your mother.
I know I said three but four is a round number and I like it better than three
So of course we didn't have anything like that, goodness they were like gold dust, it must be how it works in prisons for drugs, and smokes, even here they were a form of currency. probably from that eastern Eurpoean country that old Jim Shooter was going to work in. Masturbania.
If you had one of them you were rich, two or more then wow, of course we did not have any in our dorm, you reading this Mother Lessall.
It was a funny old meeting, it was a bit like walking down slough high street now on a saturday morning, in that i am the only one who speaks english. we had an Irish team Leader, three gordies, three from the black country and boy they had weird accents, two more came from glasgow, well one did, we couldn't understand the other one. and one from essex, and a scouser, but we try not to talk about him.
Well rules sorted, we were given a free period from 9am, till 10.30 when we were about to Start our first session of circuit training.
Stalag Eskdale, we had started our sentance